It is absolutely shameful...

the way I have behaved! I have been missing from the blogosphere for so long, flying way below the radar if you will. It seems like the merchandise arrived for Christmas, the relatives soon after that and then the parties, the food, the wine, the orders and also the big project I have been working on and well….. I have all but tossed my blog aside. How rude and I hope I can be forgiven.

I check in with Amy at least every other day and the guilt over reading her blog and not updating my own has been tremendous!! And I see my blog sliding down the list of her favorite blogs (you know they are ranked in order by updates) and I am damn near the bottom! I guess it brings out some competitive spirit lurking within.

It is not as though I have not been thinking about each and every one of my friends out there. Why, just last week I was at the LA Market looking for fun, new and wonderful goodies for spring and trying to imagine just what it is that you would all like to have. That is by far the most fun part of this blissful endeavor – the buying! We had a very successful December tag sale so we will be bringing in some beautiful new indulgent gifts very soon.

I contemplated writing about New Year’s Resolutions – but really… why? Most people have tossed those by now and they are usually designed to chastise us or make us feel guilty for what we did not seem to get around to doing last year anyway. Lose weight, exercise more etc. How incredibly boring is that? So I have decided no more guilt-ridden resolutions ever again. This year I resolve to love myself more. I resolve to try to listen more and speak less. I resolve to try to help just one person at a time if I think I can truly be the one to bring the “light”. I resolve to try something new every week it can be anything as long it is new. (This could be really fun). Oh, and I resolve to have a lot more FUN! That’s all.

2006 was an interesting year I learned so much, evolved and changed so much. I am thrilled to see it GO! Lets face it learning, evolving and changing can be very uncomfortable – hell it hurts!! But it is what growing up is about and I am sure one of these days I will be all grown up but until then I know there will be a lot more learning, evolving and changing. So onward with the journey I say. I will continue the red badge of courage journey – but I really need better shoes for this year’s path that is for sure!

Lollia's Believe and Inspire

I am happy to report that the first of the new Lollia lines "Believe" and "Inspire" have arrived! This has been a much anticipated event. I really feel that this line is the perfect gift line - well, if you are giving a gift to someone of the female persuasion that is.

Lollia offers bath and body goodies as well as luxurious candles. The fragrances are unique and soft. The new fragrances are Cabbage Rose Citrus for Believe and Inspire is a medley of Mimosa, Violte Leves and Rose. The packaging is unsurpassed. In fact it is the packaging that slows up the process sometimes. This designer, Margo Elena uses no stock packaging elements, everything is designed to perfection: vintage letter press, layered designer prints, elegant wine bottles and crystal adornments. This can sometimes take a while to get the product out but it is always worth the wait.

Check out the new goodies from Lollia in the Fine Bath and Body Preparations and the new candles in the Home Store sections of our store and check back often as new products will be arriving shortly.

Luv n these new pj's!

Finally we got some merchandise! Christmas always panics me as you order your things well in advance and you are at the mercy of organized or disorganized manufactures. Never the less we have wonderful new PJ’s from Pinecone Hill up on the site and I love them. Resist is my favorite. A classic cut with a hip print - we offer the lime and pink. Perfect for a slumber party!

I have to say that I am still waiting for an entire line of goodies to arrive. Wonderful new Lollia lines are on order and I can tell you from the competitive shopping I have done almost no one has them in stock. I may not even get them in time for this year’s Christmas gift season. This is sad because they are lovely and make stunning gifts. At the show the crowd was overwhelming to see what the new goodies would be like. Wonderful perfumes, hand crèmes, candles and soaps. Buyers were writing orders heavily. Indeed, it was the only reason I went to the show - to see what was new from Lollia. I am guessing that production is slow or surely every one would have them. You cannot find them on the web and I have not seen them in boutiques yet. I would love to offer them to you but we will just have to keep our fingers crossed and hope that they arrive very, very soon.

As I get more goodies in I will post here as well as the store so you can be the first to see.

My iPod

What I love about my iPod is the ability to be anywhere and be listening to magic right there at that moment. The other day I was zoning out on the train and dug my iPod out of my bag and in seconds I was listening to one of the greatest moments in music history – Judy Garland singing “The Man That Got Away” live at Carnegie Hall sometime in the 60’s. I was enraptured! I mean who needs to sing any other torch song after that one? Has there been another torch song since? It made my ride home beyond bearable it made it magnificent. I almost leaned over to the unknown man across from me to say “listen to this and tell me if this is not heaven!” Of course I would not do that but I should have.

I have all kinds of music on this little goodie from Judy Garland to Oingo Boingo. Mary J Blige to Pink. Frank Sinatra to U2. I downloaded some Corinne Bailey Rea last night and I have to say she is my new favorite. “Put Your Records On” is wonderful, its reminiscent of old school R&B with a dash of Rickie Lee Jones added for good measure. I found some lovely Madeline Peyroux cuts and picked up some Marc Broussard just for the fun of it – nothing like “Home” for a soulful good time.

Nina is juicing my iPod with a wonderful playlist for Halloween mostly classical but really nice. I love my iPod and if you have the means, I highly suggest one! We are off to Target to get more iTunes cards….

The Red Badge of Courage - Continued...

You may remember my mentioning that I had begun a soul-searching journey. A journey that I have taken before but as I approach a certain age I felt it was time to embark once again on an inner trip exploring where I have come from and where it is that I want to go. Well I have been traveling. I promised to send you a post card from time to time….

After coffee one morning with Matt It became apparent that I had really not charted a proper course through the back roads of Self Confidence but rather I had somehow taken a sly shortcut through the path of Self Doubt, Regret and Relying on Others for Approval. So after asking for my husband’s approval in some lame-ass and round about way for the 2 billionth time in this 21-year blissful relationship…I set out for a walk.

I won’t lie the pace was brisk and my temper had the best of me. Angry at him for not giving me the answer of “Oh my dear you are always wonderful!” But incredibly angry with myself for dwelling in such a hovel of self-depreciating behavior for so long. I set out with Nina’s iPod juiced up with her latest Halloween play list of spooky but lovely eerie music. I walked out of the little housing tract of suburbia headed straight down the road for this nature preserve/wooded area.

As I deliberately headed into the woods I felt like a child running away from home. “Ha – see if I come back!” I headed into the thicker part of the woods and it actually got a bit dark even at 8:00 am. I began to regret walking that far and thought to myself surely there must be some folks down on their luck that sleep out there at night and well, with the scary music playing, I began to feel very frightened. Still I walked further and instead of turning and ditching I decided to stay with the feelings of fear.

I took the opportunity to think of all the fearful things in my life. All the times that were frightening, all the episodes that I have imagined in my head that scare me. I walked and thought about everything that could go wrong or that has gone wrong in my life. I began to cry at the thought of all of those possibilities and the memories of all that had passed.

Somewhere between the kaleidoscope shadows of the trees and the eerie music I got the idea that I should leave all the misery there. Just leave those horrible feelings in the woods. It really seemed like the perfect home for my low self-esteem. It would be happy there in the woods with the ground ripening and the occasional breeze that rustled the trees in an uncomfortable and lonely way.

It was about at that moment when I felt a tightening in my throat and a clenching in my chest. I thought – oooh this is not a good place for a heart attack – no one knew I was in there and no one would ever find me! So I began to walk faster and I started coughing very hard. After what was an unverving amount of throat clenching and coughing I realized that this was my decision moment and that I needed to simply tell myself that I was through with looking to others for approval. I told myself that I was through looking at my self as less than what I really am – a very strong, talented and courageous woman that is capable and able to make my own way and that I am proud of where I have come to in my life right now with no regrets.

Absolutely at that moment the clenching and tightening released and I could see the clearing from the trees. I wiped away my tears and headed out into the clearing and climbed up the embankment back on the road and back into suburbia. I walked a way and then turned back to see the thicket of trees where I had left my low self-esteem. It was a beautiful place for all the feelings of being “less than” to reside. It made a perfect home for all of my regrets and doubts. I was free walking along the road. With every step I felt stronger and freer.

I had not noticed when I left that morning feeling angry that I had actually set out with suitcase in hand to deposit these old and tired feelings packed in the case. I had not realized that the anger that fueled my steps was my unwillingness to continue in this way for one day more.

I was back on the road to my life with one less suitcase to carry feeling lighter and much stronger.