Getting detached from the things I think are so important...

I have been working with the idea of detachment lately and I came across something that Wayne Dyer said that really resonated with me regarding the idea of detachment. Think of water and a rock, of the two which is stronger? Water is always going to wear away the rock. If you think you need to harness the water, the more you try to squeeze and hold on to it the less you end up having. It is only when you relax and lay down in the water…float, that there is such an abundance of water, more than you actually need really. I guess that is the true meaning of “Going with the Flow”.

Beingness...

I was barely watching Cesar Millan's Dog Whisperer the other night and thumbing through a few books on the bedside table, Wayne Dyer's "The Power of Intention" and Geneen Roth's "Women, Food and God". The latter because I must now lose the weight I have put back on from inability to exercise over the previous months of injury, surgery and recovery. I must be honest here, during recovery it was not uncommon for me to come downstairs and enquire "Who will be going to In & Out Burgers today?" So it was not entirely for lack of ability to exercise that caused all the weight gain. Just clearing that up...

The TV was on as background noise, I thought I was present and ready for soul searching. As I picked up these latest self help books it came to mind that there is a point of recognition that takes over my desire to change or cure myself. Oh sure I need to shed a few pounds but I see myself clearly and I like what I see. Certainly I laugh a little too loud. and I always love too hard. I feel way too much for my own good and there never seems to be any dessert that is really too rich for me. But do I really need to "fix" all this?

It was about this time that Cesar began talking to me. Well, he was talking to some dog owners about their dog problems. I like Cesar - even though I am a cat person - he is easy on the eyes if you get what I am saying. Anyway, Cesar was making some great points here.

Master the Walk - set aside time and engage the proper frame of mind, position matters, be the pack leader and define exploration time.

Achieving Balance - Calm assertive leadership not emotional arguments or outbursts. What are the needs, take responsibility for the state of mind.

Energy as Communication - Energy is what Cesar calls Beingness; it is who and what you are in every moment.

I LOVE THIS GUY!

So perhaps I am not some wild overgrown puppy tearing up the furniture or dragging my owner down the street on our walk but I do get out of hand from time to time. I forget my Beingness, I forget how to Master the Walk and then I need to work on Achieving Balance again. I don't need to fix everything in life as there is no thing that is wrong; rather recognition of my Beingness and re-setting the right frame of mind is all I really need right now.

Positive Thoughts for a New Year

I bet a lot of people are entering this New Year with trepidation. It certainly sounds scary if you listen to the news. I hope the new President is brave, if it were me I might have been tempted to say “You know, I change my mind, it’s not really the job I signed on for now.” But leaders don’t do that.

We had a particularly hard holiday season in our family this year as we lost our beloved Uncle Jim. The only bright spot there was the recognition that I am better for having known such a loving and caring man. And his wife and children are all so wonderful. I wish them peace.

So along with holiday parties we had funerals and wakes. That is the roller coaster of life. Our close knit family probably had too much time spent with some and not enough time spent with others. It is always interesting when we get together – this year proved to be no different. I love each and every person in my big family.

At the beginning of 2009 I learned that sometimes when you love someone you just have to let them go. I learned that sometimes fighting to hold on to someone is not always the right thing to do. It felt like I had been reaching down the edge of a tall cliff just barley catching hold of this long loved person’s hand and it just became too hard to hold on any longer. Letting go and watching them fall never entered my mind, it was my natural reflex to stretch out my hand and try to pull them up. I learned that it may be presumptuous to think that everyone wants to be caught and hoisted up. There is some guilt with letting go. But I have learned that sometimes it is freeing to both people when you let go.

So, where are the positive thoughts you may ask?

Through the highs and lows of the coming year

I wish each of you health, happiness and love.

I wish each of you the inspiration to find a way to give of your self in a way that is unique to you.

I wish each of you abundance and the recognition of your abundance and so I wish you all gratitude.

I wish you all peace and the ability to find peace of mind no matter the circumstance.

I wish you creativity in the face of adversity and the joy of that flowing expression.

I wish you calm quiet reflection and the strength to greet the lessons that will be learned.

I wish you the bravery to create a life that is rich, full and overflowing with the stuff that makes you wish your days would never end.

Here is to 2009, may it be a great year!

The Red Badge of Courage Part 3

It may seem as though I have forgotten all about the journey that I set out on – I have not. I have spent some time exploring, gaining lots of ground and sometimes coming back upon familiar territory.

In conversations with my sister I have referred to personal issues as something like a passenger in the back seat of the car. There was a Twilight Zone episode in which a woman picks up a hitchhiker and she keeps seeing him in the backseat of the car even though she let him off miles before. Of course he turns out to be the angel of death or some spooky thing like that. Life’s issues are like the hitchhiker. You may think they got out a while back but they still show up in the rear view mirror and when you look over your shoulder, sure enough they are sitting there staring you right in the face.

Courage is the high road that must be chosen when dealing with these types of clingy passengers. It is amazing how long I can just drive and drive and not look in the rear view mirror. I know that I ought to check all the mirrors in my vehicle from time to time, but I don’t. Often that simple minded barreling down the highway is intentional. Sometimes I just drive like a bat out of hell! It takes courage to look in the rear view mirror; it takes courage to choose to actually see. In that gaze I see not only who is in the back seat (making themselves comfy) but I see all the terrain I have left behind.

I have been in the process of trying to get to know these pesky little hitchhikers, who are they and what do they want? (Sometimes I’ve got to stare fear in the face and just look at what I don’t like about myself or my life.) If I am to have traveling buddies I want to get to know them a little better. I can not say they are interested in me the same way, on the contrary, I find they expect the same old fearful reactions from me. These stowaways expect me to be startled and runaway from the pressure of uncovering what I want from this journey. To consistently move past limitations and define my life on my own terms is not the trip my passengers thought we were taking.

I have had to take a few u-turns and detours on this route, but I am still in the driver’s seat. I am determined to reach my destination and the road is getting straighter and the pathway clearer everyday.

I love the creativity of these questions – Where do you want to go today? What do you want to create? How do you want to live? Who do you want to touch? What do you want to give?

Happy trails to you…

The Red Badge of Courage - Continued...

You may remember my mentioning that I had begun a soul-searching journey. A journey that I have taken before but as I approach a certain age I felt it was time to embark once again on an inner trip exploring where I have come from and where it is that I want to go. Well I have been traveling. I promised to send you a post card from time to time….

After coffee one morning with Matt It became apparent that I had really not charted a proper course through the back roads of Self Confidence but rather I had somehow taken a sly shortcut through the path of Self Doubt, Regret and Relying on Others for Approval. So after asking for my husband’s approval in some lame-ass and round about way for the 2 billionth time in this 21-year blissful relationship…I set out for a walk.

I won’t lie the pace was brisk and my temper had the best of me. Angry at him for not giving me the answer of “Oh my dear you are always wonderful!” But incredibly angry with myself for dwelling in such a hovel of self-depreciating behavior for so long. I set out with Nina’s iPod juiced up with her latest Halloween play list of spooky but lovely eerie music. I walked out of the little housing tract of suburbia headed straight down the road for this nature preserve/wooded area.

As I deliberately headed into the woods I felt like a child running away from home. “Ha – see if I come back!” I headed into the thicker part of the woods and it actually got a bit dark even at 8:00 am. I began to regret walking that far and thought to myself surely there must be some folks down on their luck that sleep out there at night and well, with the scary music playing, I began to feel very frightened. Still I walked further and instead of turning and ditching I decided to stay with the feelings of fear.

I took the opportunity to think of all the fearful things in my life. All the times that were frightening, all the episodes that I have imagined in my head that scare me. I walked and thought about everything that could go wrong or that has gone wrong in my life. I began to cry at the thought of all of those possibilities and the memories of all that had passed.

Somewhere between the kaleidoscope shadows of the trees and the eerie music I got the idea that I should leave all the misery there. Just leave those horrible feelings in the woods. It really seemed like the perfect home for my low self-esteem. It would be happy there in the woods with the ground ripening and the occasional breeze that rustled the trees in an uncomfortable and lonely way.

It was about at that moment when I felt a tightening in my throat and a clenching in my chest. I thought – oooh this is not a good place for a heart attack – no one knew I was in there and no one would ever find me! So I began to walk faster and I started coughing very hard. After what was an unverving amount of throat clenching and coughing I realized that this was my decision moment and that I needed to simply tell myself that I was through with looking to others for approval. I told myself that I was through looking at my self as less than what I really am – a very strong, talented and courageous woman that is capable and able to make my own way and that I am proud of where I have come to in my life right now with no regrets.

Absolutely at that moment the clenching and tightening released and I could see the clearing from the trees. I wiped away my tears and headed out into the clearing and climbed up the embankment back on the road and back into suburbia. I walked a way and then turned back to see the thicket of trees where I had left my low self-esteem. It was a beautiful place for all the feelings of being “less than” to reside. It made a perfect home for all of my regrets and doubts. I was free walking along the road. With every step I felt stronger and freer.

I had not noticed when I left that morning feeling angry that I had actually set out with suitcase in hand to deposit these old and tired feelings packed in the case. I had not realized that the anger that fueled my steps was my unwillingness to continue in this way for one day more.

I was back on the road to my life with one less suitcase to carry feeling lighter and much stronger.

The Red Badge of Courage

This 1937 photo piece is called The Red Badge of Courage by Man Ray. I like it. I like it for where I am right now. I am about to embark on a journey. Not to a really far away and exotic place but on a soul searching journey. I guess you might say that it falls into the territory of “Who Am I and How Did I Get Here?” I have taken such treks before in my life, in my early 20’s and then again after I had my children around my 30’s. I am overdue and late for takeoff on this trip.

It seems to me that the days rolled by, my children are almost grown, I changed directions and before I knew it I found myself in a different land all together than the place I headed out for. I am not really sure how I got here. I am not even really sure if it is a good place to be or a not-so-good place to be. Have you ever driven to work or the grocery store and not remembered the trip? Sometimes I drive to a place that I go to often and I don’t remember the streets or the stoplights that I passed – I just sort of got there. I need to reflect back on the trip a little.

I think that as women we must take such journeys at strategic points in our lives. I think it is a natural instinct for women to give so much of themselves to children, husbands, friends, and to whoever displays the sad puppy eyes of need. I think it is easy to lose the personal pathway. I need to re-evaluate and re-map my personal pathway. I’ll need to take a look at the places I have been to get a good idea of where I am headed.

Caution needs to be taken on these walkabouts as the natives can get restless. Some lands are like third world countries and some are very civilized. My trip itinerary includes visits to the wonderful hills and valleys of Self-Esteem, and crystal blue waters of Self-Love and the challenging expedition tour of Making a Difference. I hope to backpack through Goal Setting and take in the sights of Personal Challenges Yet to Come.

I have to travel alone to these places. I am not always a fearless traveler. I get worried about taking the wrong train sometimes. I am not sure how long this trip will take but I will check in with you from time to time with scenic observations. Well, I’ve got my hat, my bags are packed and I’ve almost got my lipstick on straight…so wish me Bon Voyage and away I go…